|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| MUSIC- TALIB KWELI FT. HI TEK- 2000 REASONS
Okay I turned 18 today. great huh? now if i get in trouble. its worse.
It was nice being minor.anybody who still is. your lucky. have fun
while u can. haha.
updates- Im driving now, my mom lets me. i have my license.
My party @ the beach, and hawaiian BBQ, b-day party was great.
Of my friends, Cathy mah baby made it, of course ^_^, Kim made it and Lorenzo.
Thing about having A b-day Party in summer is.. Nobody is free.
or everybodys working. ect. plus i have to live so far. -_-. Coz the
b-day was @ Camp Penalton.
yeah it was on base. :).
Me and Cathy are alright. Im looking for a job. I have a few HOoK Ups.
that im gonna try to use to get me a Job. my friend J owns this store in the mall.
One of those carts. and he told me he'd hire me wen I turn 18.
My friends mom Runs A P.F. CHANGS in Mission Mall. i Could work there.
start off as a bus boy. ^_^.
um my mazda is officially working. no problems for now.
Damn u 626.
COUSINS and Family are commin From canada soon. on FRiday.
10 of them are staying @ my small 3 bedroom house. i'll prolly be sleepin in
the hallway. haha j/k. Since my younger brother got kicked out. they'll be using
his bed and my bed. Doubles. Lola comes back September from S.D.
so i might sleep in her room if Jackie dosnt. the kids sleep in the living room.
Im bombing the house for insects on wednesday. and dropping mah bro off
in corona agian on wed also. maybe we stop by the galleria, or Ontario
Millz.
anyways. thats all for now. o. my girl is no longer a child molestor.
i got 2 calls today. lorenzo and her, yesterday, Eula, matt, song.
thnx guys. :).
mahal kita Cathy, Ikaw Lang.
| | |
| mood: broken=
Song - Kai- I'll be loving you forever.
let me start it off here.
i cant get any fucking sleep. yes. im actually using profanity. its appropreate.
it catches attention. its emotional.
-to the love of my so called life-
2. i never thought anything so amazing could happen. i wished it would
never end. I needed nothing else. i wanted nothing else. i need nothing
else still.
I ask for too much.
I am selfish.
I am unworthy. I dont Deserve. I Regret.
I hope you'll forget. I know you'll be okay.
I cause you stress. i cause you pain. i cause you suffering. i cause you harm.
I tire you, I frustrait you, you love me. i love you..
Im a Failure, all people fail. I just do alot.
I am Forcefull, yoour only with me still. because I begged you to stay.
Im only with you still because your kind enough to let me.
You only let me stay because you felt bad, felt guilty and you care so much for me. because you know im crazy w/o you.
I only make you mad. Disappoint you to no countable amount.
I mess up. i Say the wrong thing. I do the wrong things.
I dont do what you expect of me. I am not Worthy.
4. You dont always tell me how you feel. you say it dosnt matter. it matters more than anything.
Its ironic because. You love me so much. even tho im such a fool you
stay with me. You want to break up with me @ times. coz im Too much.
IM Fucking. Kulit, Fucking. masyado. too maulit.
Its ironic really. because you say that even tho i do the
wrong thing or say it . it wont matter coz you love me and your
feelings dont matter. but i say that its all that matters coz i love
you and i want to make you happy but you say its okay its okay. it
dosnt matter.
IT dOES MATTER. thats the POINT. bahaby. dont you see. your what i want
your everything to me. your feelings is what im concerned about.
:(.
i cant believe this is happening i never imagined.
-5. I lost it all. Once,,,, the # of heart i have, 1 love and im done, that'll be the end.
6- dont you understand....
:"IM SORRY. (but what are words anyways? SORRY cant possibly be good
enough") IM SORRY. ALl the lies that came from my worthless mouth, all
my fear and undenyable doubt. I dont deserve you, there, i let the
truth come out. What is this about? im letting a bird go free, because
being with me, was a prison cell, and somebody lost the key. I've
stressed you out to the thousandth degree, common told me, to go go go,
back to my fantasy. the one where I make you happy, the one where i can
be called sexy, but baby girl, you let me hold you down, so tight, your
smile was lost, not found, the frown, on your face, never became
erased. as i look @ you, i realize what i've lost, i cant stay friends
with you, i know what i've tossed, i know im just pathetic, your better
w/o me, so just forget it,. my tears, my heart, my love, its all yours,
i pray, i hoped and i wish, you realize im not lying, if i need to,
i'll prove I love you till im dying.
LJ LOVES Cathy Forever 11 11 04.
I wish it could be different. i wish i was perfect.
there is no perfect. and im too far from it.
too far from what you need me to be.
too far from what a good boyfriend is.
too far from knowing how to have a good relationship.
Im just a NERD, i dont know how to have a girL.
I even throw dirt, on my own name,
And proclaim my shame, and feel sorry for whoever claim,
claim to love such a fool. I'll tatoo fool of taboo, on my
right arm, hope nobody will cause you no harm.
i believed by being with me. you would be always happy.
i'd protect you from people who will treat you right.
PROMISE ME THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF YOU DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BE CAREFULL. I WANT THE FUCKING BEST FOR YOU.
HONESTLY! I WISH THE MOST PERFECT GUY.
COULD TAKE OVER FOR ME. COZ what i want is for you to be happy.
okay..... I DONT WANT YOU TO EVER BE HURT AGIAN. i
wish i could have protected you forever. i wish i could never have
let you got hurt. i wish everything for you.
i cant think about it without crying. thats why i cant live with this.
cathy. hunny. i cant live with this. i cant i cant ..
i cant stay friends with you and watch you get hurt by somebody else.
i cant think of you and not be hurt by my loss,
i cant not think of you.
.... i cant forget you....
i cant stop crying...
i have nothing left to lose now...
i feel my heart. drownding...
i feel my heart dying..
i hate this.. i hate this ...... i hate this.......
i hate this. i hate this......
i hate this................... :(..................
anybody else. i cant ... i dont know ..
i've decided to talk to each onne of you agian. before i say goodbye.
im going to move. im going to leave. i will hang out with
each of you one last time. and tell you all the things i want to before
i say goodbye. you have to understand. and i know you will move on
easily. it wont be such a big deal right?
i'll give my brother my fone. if he dosnt move to corona.
besides lorenzo, jason, a few of my closest friends. you wont hear from me anymore. and even they will rarly hear of me.
fate twisted.
I dont know if i can laugh anymore. jeez thats harsh. this is .... not
good. how else can i put it. i've lost all zest. i've lost all faith.
my heart only aches. and the pain is not bareable. not repairable.
this is it.. this relaly is it. :( im sorry.
hey.. i was lucky to be with her in the first place.
so i should be proud i got what i did right?
shit. but i want to always be...
whats the use. what i want. is me being selfish.
what i need. is not as important...
this is the end of it all? :( shit shit shit.
im such a screwup.....................................
............... i wish i had plain eyes. so that she never would have
fallen in love with them. i wish it so that she never would have
had to put up with the shit i give her.
i dont regret being with her. i love her. and i still want to be. i can
never regret it. i just regret the stupid mistakes i made.
Im glad, that everything. everything i did. i tryed my hardest for her. even if it was not good enough.
im glad. that i was able to last almost 8 months with her. longer than I deserved.
Im glad I have fallen for her.
becausei always will love her.
Im glad i was able to show her how much i care for her. i just wish
i could have maintained it.
Im glad i took a chance with her. but i should have known better.
should have known that im not meant to be with somebody so wonderful. or even somebody @ all.
i should have known better than to be so serious. because she'll feel
guilty and i dont want to cause her any harm. i should have known
better than to have recently met her mom. because now its only been but
a week and now whats she going to think?
Dont think of her as a bad person, dont you dare think differently of her. she is a better person than you'll ever know.
shes the most amazing person. and the fact is that shes just playing it
smart. trust me. her only mistake was to be with me in the first
place. i know some people think im a pretty cool guy. but you dont put
up with what she does. you dont know me like she does.
FUCK YOU if you think badly of cathy for anything. Your intitled to
your opinions. but you shouldnt judge her without first knowing
completely. and you shouldnt spread your un-supported opinions and
everything.
okay...........
anyways. its 2:40 and i gotta get to sleep so i can wake up @ 6:00.
i love you all. i love you cathy. i always will. and theres nothing that
will change that. ever.
HA, even if you faked it all along. i know you didnt. but i know
i always will love you. and i admit it. im in love with you. and theres
no changing that. i admit i wont forget you and i admit i am a fool for
not treating you the way you desreve to be treated cathy.
*MUAH*. i love you like no other. my love for you may be infinate. but
my tolerance for my own dissatisfaction and own self realization of my
failure to you, is anything but infinate. i can not stand anymore. only
live on my knees. because i cannot stand . standing is for the proud.
and i cannot be proud while watching you suffer from the curse of the
muramasa that i am. I onl bring disappointment to those around me and i
only be false securities to who believes i am a good person.
.. i'll put more later. i love you cathy. .
its late. i get 3 hours of sleep.
take care everybody. make your decisions wisely.
i wished i could help more people out. i wish i could be better.
make something of myself. im tired of failing. im tired of disappointing.
-tagged :E l j a y
X
"SOuls of the broken hearted, fade away quickly, and burn painfully."
| | |
| - 17 seconds.PRom. Well besides the constant. Crappy music played.
it was fun. I had some bad stomatch problems that night tho.
The dinner went great. instead of going with our group.
Cathy and I , Ate alone, romatically. but sadly @ mimi's Cafe. not the
most expensive place. but we were short on time. didnt have any backup
reservations.
The prom for Aliso Niguel High School was held at... The Long Beach
AQuarium! so there was fish. yea. in the glass. not served for dinner.
duh.
well.. it was pretty interesting. We were fasionably late 30 or so
minutes. NOBODY there. well nobody really. then. about 30 minutes
later. everybody stormed in...
everybody was there. haha.
one of the 1st people i saw.
Anthony. who said. "you look ... GORGEOUS~~!!". ahhaha. Cathy asked if he was gay. hahah. no he's very not gay.
vary barry. well.. fruity? sometimse. yeh its coo.
WE took our pics to avoid the lines tehre. plus. we got our pics 1 hour
after we took them. instead of 2 weeks or w/e it takes for other
people. and it was cheaper. took em at . P.O.S.E. in main place mall.
pre-dinner.
they came out amazing! :).
at least i thought so.
i'll post them soon.
my first prom ever. and last. glad i went. Cathy looks so maganda as alawys.
you have no idea. shes soo gorgeous.
I cant stop thinking of her. and i couldnt stop staring at her. eh. staring is rude tho. right? im sorry i couldnt help myself.
well i'll add more later. Ai gotta go. aiit. everybody take care. peace out. mucho mahalz. . I love you cathy. Tagged :Eljay
| | |
|
Eljayssn
